Shred Head Crew

When the best part about a ski movie is an alligator tied to a snowboard, you know you’re in trouble…
Or
Dear WME, I want my 18 bucks back
Or
All Dynasties Eventually End
Or
The best way to kill pre- season stoke? The latest WME release!

–Words: Ol Two Step

Living in Southern California now after ten years in the mountains, I had mentally prepared myself for a snowless winter.  In fact, I was excited about it. My work in the ski industry had burned me out, and I moved to San Diego to take some time and reevaluate my love for life on snow.  With that in mind, when the opportunity came up to check out the new Warren Miller Entertainment premiere of Dynasty in La Jolla, I couldn’t pass it up. Maybe, I thought, hanging with a bunch of other exiled skiers would reignite my stoke and I’d see the error in my ways.

As a kid, my family would make the trek to the annual Warren Miller screening every year in early November, I would get a poster signed by the Egan brothers, fill out every raffle available, grab as many Nature Valley granola bars as I could, and everyone would hoot and holler at the movie screen. Exiting the film stoke would be high, and that first day on snow seemed right around the corner.

Well, I hadn’t been to a Warren Miller film in over ten years and if Biggie didn’t already tell you “things done changed.”  Johnny Moseley is now narrating; no Warren Miller involvement what so ever (I won’t even begin to address the lawsuit between Mr. Miller and WME – the company he sold that still bears his name).  The trouble didn’t end there; when the opening segment of your film consists of a former ski racer and the narrator skiing Tahoe – and not really stomping anything (actually, Daron kind of ripped) – you’re in trouble.  When you waste ten minutes of film on some miserably spoiled ten-year-old snowboarder, it’s time to start sweating.  When the highlight of the film is a segment featuring an alligator tied to a snowboard, (I thought it was fake and then it moved and scared me…) well, you’re grasping at straws and have reached the point of no return.

In fact, the whole film felt like a constant grasp into nothingness.  But hey, those quirky brothers from the Mid-West are still towing each other into hay bales.  Also, they went to china (China is so hot right now) and talked to some guys who have been “skiing for thousands of years.”  Really Johnny Moseley?  Thousands?  You’re going to tell me these guys were skiing with Jesus? [Editor’s Note: we’re pretty sure they were ‘skiing’ that long ago, but we’ll let it slide] Oh yeah, and that’s the end! Skiing in f****** China!  And as a nice little slap in the face to anybody who loves skiing; no mention whatsoever about the passing of Shane Mcconkey.  I’ve taken my shots at Warren Miller and WME about their antiquated ideas about skiing and movies before, but this film took the antiquated Warren Miller model and twisted it some more.  The worst part?  I wasn’t the only salty bastard in the place.

The hoots and hollers from my youth were gone.  The group I was with was comprised of exactly what you’d expect: the vacation-package-buying consumers that keep this industry alive.  The kind of audience that is supposed to eat this stuff up, right?  Even they read right through it.  When you can’t get the weekend warrior who watches one ski film a year excited (i.e. the two people I was sandwiched between), then you’re plain doing it wrong.  When you make a life-long skier glad that he isn’t involved with the sport or the industry anymore, you’ve failed.

Tags: 'Ol Two Step, Reviews, Warren Miller

This entry was posted on Friday, December 18th, 2009 at 5:43 pm and is filed under Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.